If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
