Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
