the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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