Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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