Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
