You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
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The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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