Banned from zoo.
Again?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
