I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
