i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
