guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
