Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
