Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
