i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
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Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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