I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
