Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
