You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
