I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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