dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
