Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think my moral compass just broke
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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