Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
