im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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