I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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