My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize