We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
