why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
