yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize