Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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