Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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