doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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