I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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