Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
