Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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