if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
