hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
