the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
