At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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