so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
