I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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