Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Randomize
