1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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