She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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