I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
