If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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