Tell her she can't have a vagina
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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