Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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