I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
