doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
