what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
