he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
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Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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