She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
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I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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