I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
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Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
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as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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