This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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