my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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