i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I've blown a few things in my day
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
