I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
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