You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
