I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
