you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
