I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
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Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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