She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
