He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I fill condoms, not promises.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Shame - the story of my life.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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