everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Randomize
